English lesson on Monday 9 July

Dear all,

I've gone through an improved piece of writing from writing practice 7 with our boys during English lesson today. This is to allow our boys to understand the importance of various sections in a composition and to motivate our boys to take pride in their writing.

Please read through the improved piece of writing below and complete homework assignment 1 by yourself.





An improved piece of writing

“Life is like a box of chocolates. You’ll never know what you’re going to get.” – Tom Hanks Forest Gump.

How true! I applaud these words of wisdom spoken by the character Forest Gump. Life is unlike a bed of roses and is somewhat unpredictable. The unforeseen circumstance that I was caught in last Wednesday clearly reflects this quote. Somehow, I got a bite of the bitter chocolate on that day. It all happened like this ……

Humming jauntily, I strolled to the MRT station to take the train to Bishan in the morning. It was like a routine for me as I was used to travelling to school on my own. As the inky black night turned into a pinky flush of weather in the morning, I thought to myself this brand new day would be a good one. Boy was I in for a rude shock!

As the train was about to arrive at Bishan, something unbelievable happened.

“Screech!” I was literally thrown forward when the MRT train came to an abrupt halt. Subsequently, the lights began to flicker and then … …

Darkness and absolute stillness.

As the train was still in the tunnel, everything seemed to grow darker and quieter. Eerie silence filled the air momentarily as passengers threw bewildered looks at one another.

It was pitch black all around and I could hear the faint breathing of the old man standing next to me. It seemed to me that he was having terrible time breathing. What should I do? I had never experienced such a situation before. It was only minutes ago when everyone on board the train could be seen either sleeping or playing on their mobile phones. However at this moment, some of the passengers were seen frantically shouting for help. Who would have ever thought of that?

Chaos ensued in the train and terrific screams filled the air. I was simply overwhelmed by the scene in front of me. I became paralysed with fear and stood rooted to the ground. Just then, a male passenger stood up. He turned out to be the hero of the day. He proceeded towards the intercommunication system located at the side of the train door and calmly reported the dire situation to the train personnel.

The train personnel reassured the man that help was already on its way. True enough, an announcement was shortly broadcast to the passengers informing them about the cause of the malfunctioning lights and abrupt halt. Apparently, there had been a power failure and the backup generator was deployed to rectify this problem. Soon, lights came back on and the MRT train started moving again. Everyone cheered!

Having gone through this ordeal, I learnt it is crucial to remain calm, particularly in times of crisis. Although life is unpredictable, I can still prepare myself to face the trials and tribulations courageously.

Homework

1) Analyse the two stories Version A and Version B. List down the differences you see in terms of content and language. For instance, you can mention about the descriptive phrases used, word choice, appropriateness of paragraphs to the topic etc.



Version A



It was a dark and gloomy day. I had to take a MRT train ride to work and everything seemed normal. I thought it would be another uneventful day. Boy was I wrong!

Out of the blue, I felt a sudden jerk. The train came to an abrupt halt and it was pitch black everywhere. Passengers started panicking and there was a lack of ventilation in the train.

Minutes later, some passengers experienced difficulty in breathing. There was an old man sitting beside me who started wheezing. Some passengers whipped out their handphones to contact the relevant authorities.

Soon, the lights in the train came back on. It was that moment that I realised the old man had actually passed out. Many kind Samaritans came over to help the old man. Thankfully, the train started moving and these kind souls helped to carry the old man out of the train at the next MRT station.

This incident proved to be traumatic to me, causing me to develop a phobia of taking MRT trains.







Version B



Every cloud has a silver lining. I totally agree that every bad situation has some good aspects to it. My firm belief in this saying is reinforced because of a memorable incident that I was caught in last week. This event had left a permanent imprint in my mind and caused me to change my outlook towards life ... ...



It was a dark and gloomy day. As usual, I had to take a MRT train ride to work. Everything seemed so normal. I thought it would be another uneventful day. Boy was I in for a rude shock!

Out of the blue,I felt a sudden jerk as the train came to an abrupt halt. The lights in the train began to flicker. The situation I was caught in reminded me of a scene only seen in a horror movie. True enough, the lights went out. It became pitch black everywhere. At this instance, some passengers started panicking. The cool-headed passengers whipped out their mobile phones in attempt to use the lights emitted to aid their vision. However, many passengers could not contain their fear and started screaming for help. To make matters worse, the air-conditioning units in the train stopped working too. This caused a lack of ventilation in the train. It soon became stuffy and unbearable in the train.



Minutes later, some people started having difficulty breathing. There was an old man sitting beside me who started wheezing. At this point, some passengers took control of the situation by contacting the relevant authorities using their mobile phones.

Soon, the lights in the train came back on. It was that moment that I realised the old man beside me had actually passed out. Many kind Samaritans came over to help the old man. Some took out medicated oil in attempt to revive the poor man. Thankfully, the train started moving. I was utterly moved when I witnessed these kind passengers carrying the old man out of the train at the next MRT station. Without the assistance of these kind souls, the old man might have suffered permanent health damage. The once indifferent fellow Singaporeans had responded in times of crisis and I was really impressed.

Having gone through this traumatic incident, I would shudder at the mere thought of taking a MRT train. However, this ordeal has also changed my once negative impression of Singaporeans to a good one. As the saying goes, "Every cloud has a silver lining." How true!



2) Browse through the links below. Identify useful keywords, phrases that can be incorporated into a composition on the topic of MRT Breakdown. You should have a minimum of 10 keywords / phrases. Email the useful words or phrases to mrsteresaho@gmail.com before 10 p.m. tonight. http://sg.news.yahoo.com/train-service-on-circle-line-disrupted-from-one-north-to-bishan.html http://www.channelnewsasia.com/stories/singaporelocalnews/view/1211602/1/.html http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NYHZe-cOgOA&feature=related

3) Come up with other composition topics related to the topics you have done in writing practice 1,2,3,4,5 and 6 i.e. Accident at home whereby someone was scalded, Witnessing a fire outbreak in a building, a burglary, an accident at the void deck whereby an old man was hit by a soccer ball and an accident at the bus stop whereby old man was injured.